Some reflection on Colombia

-THE FEMALES ARE SMOKING HOT!

There are so many great things that happened to me in this country, but I would not qualify as an actual dudebro if I did not start with this topic. Generations of fornication between Latinos, Europeans, local Indians, and imported black slaves from Africa has resulted in the procreation of beautiful, exotic, divas who arouse from far away. Mestizo at its best!

The bodies are curvy like a cello! Thick apple bottoms with the epitome of the tuck; and bosoms so round, perky, and voluptuous. The accent in which they speak Spanish is also incredibly sexy. An accent is not something you can easily describe in written text, but let me say it is the sexiest dialect I have ever heard. Much sweeter sounding than the half tongued tone of Central America, the vulgar whiny sounding Mexican, the lispie gay sounding Spanish of Spain, the uncomprehendable speak of the Caribbean Islands, or the wannabe Italian Argentinean dialect. The Paisas (what the females are referred to as down there) even smell bomb.

I have never seen such a high concentration of sexy bitties in my life, and I went to ASU! Ok well maybe at ASU, but sexy Latina Momies tan RICAS, estan solas!

Walking around Cartagena me and my British buddy Mat could not stop pointing out the next hot chick who was walking by. This was very hard to do because there are so many. College campuses are a good observation point.

Medellín, or Latin Silicon Valley, as it is referred to by people who think they are funny, is very famous for breast implants. So yea there is a lot of that there. I prefer real titties but I did not complain.

In the country there is a plethora of 10s and I would say that the median of hot chicks who would rank is an 8! Think about that one for a minute!

-THE PEOPLE ARE SUPPER HOSPITABLE!

As a country Colombia is the third largest consumer of our Vision Screeners, following the USA and the UK respectively. Therefore, we have a lot of clients there, and one of the many things I do at Saco is customer relations. With that said I have a few contacts in Colombia. A vast majority of my relationships with clients is via email and phone, but I always casually and jokingly inform them that I will eventually make it to their part of the world and would love to meet them personally. This is my slick way of casually inviting my self to stay at their home. And it works!

In Cali I stayed with customer of ours ,Randy Hurtado, and his Mother Esther.

Esther is from NY but has lived in Colombia for about 50 years. She is an artist whos passion is painting, and her works of art that are up in her studio easily museum quality. They could easily pass as the work of Rembrandt or Velazquez. This was the first time I have personally met such a great artist!

She brings her watercolors to a location and paints what she is observing in a little book. She then takes that book to her studio and works on a larger canvas. Again this is the best artist I have ever met in my life. Beautiful work! Also she is an incredible salsa dancer. It was incredible to see a woman the same age as my Grandma and Nana move so gracefully to the rifts of the salsa rhythm. So full of life, energy, and strong spirit. An incredible woman!

Randy her son was born in Cali, but went to school in Tennessee, and is the definition of 100% bi-lingual. Aside from that he is a great man, who unbeknownst to him, he indirectly taught me a lot about how to live life.

Randy had work to do that night when I arrived so I took a taxi directly to his house, where his mother and maid were awaiting me. When I arrived I was greeted with open arms and presented to the loft where Randy has a computer and flat-screen with Direct TV. I was just chilin checking email and enjoying being in a nice big modern home after traveling for a few weeks, when Esther comes up with a fresh squeezed juice and a full dinner plate. Sweet!

The food and hospitality proceeded like this my whole stay there in Cali. When I woke up I was made breakfast, if I was around I got lunch, and dinner was made for me when I got back in the evening. Good fresh food too! Randy's girlfriend and her son Pablo (age 9) were hanging out all weekend, and I got to get to know them too. We went to a local river and hiked around and got wet in the rapids.

We later hung out in his yard laying around the pool. Pablo and I played catch with a baseball, badminton, and went swimming. He was a cool kid and it made me think of playing with my little brother. I am now looking forward to going home and messing around with Mexican Andrew.

I am supper glad I was able to spend this time with Randy and his family. Great time spent with awesome people and an invaluable part of my trip.

A few days later in Medellín I randomly ran into this Austrian guy Jorj who I met earlier in Cartegena. Small world. We then decided to go check out a part of the city and just wander around. We get on the metro and instantly he starts talking with a girl he is seated next to. Her name is Erica. She then asks us if we want to party and meet her friends, and of course we say Sí!

We then proceeded to go to her barrio in the NorthEast part of Medellín. This is an area not frequented by Gringos and is kind of a ghetto area. She introduces us to her house mates, Omar, Marta, and MyLady (that was her name) and we then go get some booze at the store next door and go chill on the top of the roof. Slowly but surely friends of theirs start to come up to the roof as this is their place to come after work and just chill and unstress. We are partying all throughout the night, going through boxes of aguardiente (Colombian Liquor), beer, matas, and basically pegando la cachimba!

Two of these dudes used to be break dancers and love rap and all of the hip hop culture. You best belive we did some freestylin. We also had some deep conversations about global politics, the world's perception of Colombia, how we are privileged to travel and how they could never afford to do what we are doing, and if people would invite strangers into their home like this in our country?

It was pretty tough for me to answer some of these questions, as I felt that these people were intelligent, just stuck in a shitty situation. I guess we all cant be lucky sperm. I told them that they are more than welcome to come to my home if they ever make it to the United States, or wherever I end up living. And that I wish the best for all of them.

For example, Marta is part of the first group in the city who is now doing social work advancing woman's rights as the culture is still very Machista where men are very dominate. She was a very well spoken and intelligent woman. She then proceeded to inform me on the woman's suffrage movement in the US of 1913 and Susan B. Anthony and all that. I was pretty impressed.

In an nutshell these people were supper cool with me and Jorj!

Nice things they did for two perfect strangers:

Let two random dudes into their home.

Cooked dinner for us.

Provided party favors.

Tried to teach us how to dance.

And most importantly called in a favor with a taxi driver. He had a friend taxi driver come and pick us up at 3 AM, as 2 Gringos cannot just take any random taxi, especially in these parts. Kidnapping and robbery are a reality, and precaution must be taken.

This night provided me with a real Colombian experience. A night like this is something that one would never encounter if they stuck to the Gringo trail, and only went to the touristy spots. I thank all of them for adding to my Colombian experience!



When in Bogotá I stayed with another contact I have made at Keystone View, my good buddy Martin Peralta. He is an Argentinian man who met his Colombian wife in Orlando, Florida as he lived there from 2002-2005. You would not know this however due to his non existing English speaking capability. Just goes to show there are a lot of Latinos in the States.

Martin and his wife (Shes is from Bogotá and I forgot her name, so lets call her Martina) met in Orlando and decided to move to Colombia and start a business and a family. They now have a 3 year old son and a one year old daughter. Their son is not well behaved, maybe its the age, but I will not tolerate the behavior displayed by this child when I have one of my own. Whiny, running around hitting me, throwing his food, disobedient, and the like. I would have laid the smack down.

They also have their own business, a practice providing the tests needed to get a drivers license. In Colombia there are private practices that provide the service of administering various exams to patients in order to get a license. Martin and Martina have 2 of these practices. Aside from a vision test the government also requires an audio test, a psychological test and a general health examination. For each of these tests they need a specialist to administer the exam.

Martin and Martina are the warmest most caring couple I have ever met! He picked me up in his car at the bus stop when I got in, took me to dinner, bought us some beers, and brought me to his house. The whole time we were touring around the city he would not let me pay for anything, and insisted that I was his guest and that he wanted to take care of me.

An example of how caring they are:

It is Saturday night, my last night in Colombia before I go back to Costa Rica. We did some sight seeing and the plan was to go pick up an ex employee, Rosario, who we would be dropping off at the buss station that night as she will be moving to Cali. He proceeded to explain to me Rosario's situation and how the met her and what she was doing. It proceeded like this....

Two years ago Martina saw Rosario looking for food out of a trash can in front of their office while holding a 3 month old baby. As anyone should feel perturbed to see such a thing, Martina felt inclined to do something. She approached Rosario and offered to buy them food. Rosario of course accepted and this and wanted to figure out a way to keep good relations and maybe get more help from Martina. Turns out that Rosario is a drug abuser addicted to heroin, cocaine, and god knows what else. Martin and Martina decided that they wanted to help Rosario kick her addictions, and try to provide her son with some type of future.

Martin and Martina offered Rosario a job cleaning their building and doing very basic tasks. She would not earn money, as that can easily be used to buy drugs, but was offered trips to the market to buy food and close for her and her son. Also part of the deal was that Rosario had to go to therapy one hour a day to try to get some psychological counseling. This worked out because as part of their practice they have a psychologist, so when he was not busy he spent time with Rosario.

Fast forward to present day and Rosario has now kicked the drug habit and is recovering well. Martin and Martina have contacted her family in Cali and arranged for her to now go live with her sister and mother there who are not crack heads. This is where she is going to go this Saturday night, but first we need to go pick her up.

Martin and Martina have bought her a cell phone and some minutes to contact her for this journey and to call them to inform as her safe arrival and her family when she was at the terminal. In Colombia it is pay as you go, not that contract bullshit we are forced into in the states. So they got her the phone as a going away gift. Just more genuine caring that they do.

As Martin and I are going to pick her up Martin point out to me a hill on our left and says that is Barrio Cazuca the most dangerous in Bogotá. He said not even the police go in there in small numbers. There are 2 dichos or sayings that they say about this area. "Entras si quieres, salgas si puedes" and " no llevas la machete, le da la machete" or in English "enter if you want, leave if you can" and "don't bring the machete they give you the machete".

Ok! So its a shady slum like that movie City of God. Good advice and well noted, I will not go there!

We then get to the spot where we are supposed to pick up Rosario and she is waiting with her baby in a dirty baby stroller, covered in mud. It will soon be apparent why. She is supposed to be ready to go from this meeting place. Martin then askes her where is the rest of her stuff? She said that no one would help her bring it down so we have to drive up to her house in Cazuca to go get it.

Martin looks at me nervously as we are already committed to get Rosario to the buss stop, so we have to go to this shady area to complete the mission. FUCK!

Martin proceeds to drive and she says not to worry as she is very well know and loved in this area, and God is with us and this area is a paradise on Gods great earth. Great a junkie conformed God freak. As we continue to drive up a hill through a slum, it seemed like her house was further and further up the hill. The road was not really a road either, more like a mud slip n' slide.

As we are climbing the hill the conversation was pretty much like this:

Martin" Aqui"

Rosario " No mas adelante, sigue"

Martin "Aqui"

Rosario " No, no por aca, mas adaelante"

We finally arrived and she passes Martin the baby, jumps out and runs into her shack. She proceeds to throw trashbags full of cloths into the back seat and a bunch of little kids are also carrying trashbags and putting them into the back seat. We back out and haul ass down the hill and out of the barrio.

We dropped Rosario off at the bus station and she called the next morning to let us know she made it safe to Cali. Hopefully she will start a new life and her son at least now has the opportunity to not grow up in a Favela.

That night we went out to drink a beer after the whole Rosario debacle, and Martin finally let me buy him a drink.

This couple went well beyond the call of duty to help a fellow human being and saved the life of a little boy. Growing up in that environment selling drugs and being a thug is all but inevitable.

This caring was apparent in the way that they took care of me in the few days before. But seeing what they had done for Rosario, was a big fat !

Fortunately I did not meet any crazy Guerrilla fighters nor anyone who wanted to kidnap me to do the Paseo de Millionario.

Not saying that they don't exist, but from my experience Colombia was a very friendly country glad to be rising out of the drug induced civil war of the past and embracing the future.

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A YELLOW FEVER VACCINATION TO ENTER CENTRAL AMERICA FROM SOUTH AMERICA!

I never knew this was the case. They should tell you this when you buy a plane ticket. Get your shit together Taca!

I get to the airport in Bogotá an hour and a half before my flight, ignoring their advice of 3 hours. I go to the window to get my ticket and they ask me for my passport and my yellow fever certificate.

Me "What certificate?"

Her "To go to Costa Rica from here you need a certificate to get on the plane, with out it you can not go and should change your flight"

Me "Well Im getting on this flight, how do I get the certificate, can i do this here at the airport?"

Her " Yes but the vaccination needs to be in your blood stream for 10 days to take affect. You can get it but you will have to stay in Colombia for 10 days"

Now this does not work for me, I have a flight leaving for the states from Costa Rica in 5 days then go straight to Alaska, I gotta figure something out.

I go to the clinic and ask the girl working there for the vaccination. She said that she can give it to me and hopefully I can explain to the lady something and that they can let me on.

Ok I guess Ill try.

I go to back to the window and try to check in with a different lady and seemed in a big hurry as now there was like 50 minutes until my flight and I needed to go now as security is such a bitch. She said ok but I could not check my bag as baggage check for this flight is now closed and I had to run to the security. She then was about to hand me the ticket and then remembered to ask me for my passport and certificate. Shit I almost got away with it I thought. I gave her the documents and she said that this certificate is good but it was done today and I have to wait 10 days. I told her that I had the vaccine before but lost it and just got a new one. She told me to go get the girl at the clinic to write this on the certificate and they would let me on.

I ran back to the clinic and asked the girl to "find my previous vaccination in the system, and I would be grateful and love to help her how I could". She agreed and was able to find the record of my old vaccination I got on July 23 of 2004. I gave her all the aguardiente that I had in my bag, as I could not bring liquid on the plane, gave her my knives and some extra money I had. Well worth it! And thank god for the power of the dollar and some countries still working with a palm up!

I ran down to get my ticket and they said finally my certificate was good. I had to beg and plead with people to get me through the security lines as in Colombia they are a bitch. Im sure you understand why. First security like any normal airport. Then a thorough a customs process, then another security where they open your bags and do a body frisk.

As Im at the last security point, a girl from the airline comes and is screaming "Señor Gerson, Para San Jose"

Me: Si Voy!

I look at the guy with his hands in my bag like " Parce, dejame irme profa no llevo nada"

He understood and let me run to the terminal. I was the last to get on the plane and everyone was kinda looking at me like I was the asshole who didn't get to the airport 3 hours before my flight and didn't have my vaccination certificate.

Boy were they way off!

I entered Costa Rica with no problems, and Im pretty sure I didn't bring Yellow Fever! The good thing is I now have this certificate and I can now go to any dirty disease ridden country on the world!

It is an incredible how the mind works when it is forced to act in such a quick manner. Take away options and the brain will be forced to find a solution! Think fast!

Big ups to my old man too for answering my prayers!


THE LANDSCAPE IS BEAUTIFUL!

How can I go into beautiful green lush mountains, huge forests with waterfalls and cascades, big beautiful valleys, white beaches, jungles, awesome sunsets, rivers and all types of nice nature.

Well I just did.

Google image Colombia, its a really pretty country with everything, and Im over writing.

-IN CONCLUSION


Colombia is a great country and I am glad I was able to go and make my own opinion. That is the most important thing I learned on this journey. Nothing is more valuable than ones own instincts and experiences are priceless to help improve on this best of all intuitions!

I will be back to Colombia some day in the future, but with more time to explore and a valid yellow fever certificate!

Nos vemos pronto parces. Que chevére la cachimba!