New York State of Mind

Ok I have way been lagging on writing anything here and I have no real excuse. I have been around and I owe some sort of documentation. You can find me in New York, starting this randomly at 2:08 AM. I can't sleep. Maybe that is beacuse I work evenings or nights if thats what you want to call it ( I get off at 11PM). Wait I guess I need to backtrack. You are probably thinking, "What? this fool is working in New York?"

To that I must say: Yes. Im sure it is not what would have been expected of me, but then again what is? So yea the job is lame and not even worth mentioning aside from the point that it is income and eats into my happy hour time. This could be a blessing in disguise, even though I hate it. Happy hour combines two of my favorite things: drinking and being frugal.

So I have been here about a month, and heres what I think.

There are way too many people in NYC. Manhattan that is. I guess the other boroughs are more spread out but this island is fucking packed. Im not that fond of it. Too many people, where is my space? Now dont get it twisted because you probably know Im out her living with my girl and we live in a flat. Or a studio if you want to sound gay about it. So there are no walls and we pretty much live on top of one another and there is no privacy here either. Its mad chill with her though, not a problem! Its out side that is too over crowded and annoying. Populations control? Maybe the government did create crack or aids.... Don't judge me

Jay walking is very sick. To think I got a ticket for it in pussy law Arizona once. Here it is like a game of frogger. You gotta take the most direct angles, not wanting to wast a second. I don't tip taxi drivers. They pick you up and are on the phone the whole time speaking some language from the Fertile Crescent or India or somewhere in between. I dont care if you paid everything you have to bring your family over and a medallion, a tip is earned by someone who does something extra, warranting a tip. These dudes do not. Some smell way foul. Sounds cruel but thats is life.

The worst part about my experience is Door Men. I fucking hate having one in my building, this I cannot explain in words. I can not blame my girl as she was a tiny female living alone in a big city, and they kept her safe and if that is what they are for then I am glad. Now with that said, I fucking hate living in a place where they are present. My immediate family lives in a guard gated community and I hate that ( I will save that for another time)! You must walk by this person every time you want to leave or enter your apartment. Now I dont like talking to any other people I dont want to, and this is the worst. A casual whats up every time just to be cordial. I hate it. I now regularly hesitate about leaving the place or try to make things done in one trip to avoid the inevitable awkward whats up or head nod or eye contact as I enter or leave the building. I feel very uncomfortable being around them. I have worked hard to conceal my whereabouts from a majority of people over the past X amount of years, and now I have these fucking guys who know when I come and go! It drives me nuts. It is all that I think about for a good 5+ minutes anticipating the interaction and how bad it will suck! I don't know what is wrong with me but it cannot stand their presence. I must change topics.

I went to a Jewish Syrian wedding. It was in Brooklyn. My friend Gina invited me. We met in Israel on Brithrigh. (Yes I went to Israel, I have a lot of catching up to do) She told me to meet her at her place around 9:30 on Tuesday night. She invited me the night before the wedding and was like " yea they're Syrian, it wont start till 11PM and will go till 4AM (Tuesday mind you). Anyone is invited, there are no seating arrangements its just a party." This all turned out to be correct. The bride walked the isle at 11:45PM and the party started at 12:30. People were lighting up smokes before they could walk out of the Synagog. The food was all sushi and asian. I guess they don't really have pork or cheese, so kosher is easy. It was great food, also an open bar, I dug it. Stupid old school custom took place, not only were men and women separated at the service but also on the dance floor. At first I thought it was weird ( I can be a homophobe, but only around actual gay men, more importantly the only person I knew is my friend Gina and to be together we kinda just stood in the back and ate and drank) I began feeling good off the free Johnny Black, and started to dance with the men. I learned the lightbulb dance. Just kinda move in a circle and act like you are unscrewing a bulb with one hand and screwing on in with the other. I started talking to the barmaid in Spanish and convinced her to let me take the rest of the Johnny bottle home with me, and that no one would notice. She told me to put it in my jacket. Its still on the shelf crackin, Epic win

I went to Rockaway to visit my good buddy from CR. Turns out that on that day he just got suspended (hopefully not terminated) from his city life guard job he has had for years. A few days earlier there was a drowning a few miles down from where he is normally stationed. This tragedy occurred on an un life guarded beach. Also that day a lot of others were saved by hard working life guards doing their job going un-recognized. The following day a reporter came down to the beach looking for a story. This day was a stormy one that shut down the beach due to lightning. My buddy was chilling at his post on an empty beach listening to the weather report on his headphones when the reported approached. The repoter asked a few basic questions looking for a story. As he left he snapped pic of my homie with his headphones on as he left. Next day front page news is along the lines of how can lifeguards save lives if they cant hear? Good point but total libel. In the pic you can see the shit conditions that had the beach closed down and not one person in the water let alone on the sand. Not to mention they don't require hearing tests like they do vision screenings. So even though it would be inappropriate for an on duty guard to be with headphones on, hearing tests are never administered. Basically my boy got canned after getting bullshit slandered the previous day. Funny thing is how I just happened to be out there as all of this was going on and it was the talk of the town. All of the other life guards were upset as they know how good of at his job he was, but still as friends do still had to bust his balls by each bringing copies of the paper over. Good to see friends are like that no matter where. The next day he even had a political cartoon about him. Sharks eating the surfer and all. First time I have ever known anyone with their own political cartoon. Reality is that its a shame, I know this guy and would trust loved ones lives to swim under his supervision. The guys a fish. And I dont mean at the bar like I am. Guess its a good excuse to move back out the country. Dale mop.

*Family and the law skip the below paragraph

Weed is delivered to your door by a dude you dont know and he doesn't know you. You call a number and a dispatcher dude answers, you drop a name, ( just a first name, and you dont have to say how you know them) and a dude rolls over. They just ask your address and stop on by. Dude comes up, opens a big ass bag, with lots of little plastic rectangular jars each with a sticker and bud name on it. You say which ones you want, pay, and the guy bounces. Shits expensive, but its fire, and mad convenient. Surprised they don't get pinched, or maybe they do, as it seems risky as fuck. Not for the buyer but the seller. I can think of a lot of ways to jack a dude like that or for the 50 to swoop on them, but everyones got their hustle.

The population of gay dogs her is astronomical. If you would have asked me the bread types of these beasts a month ago I would have identified them with: little gay lap dog, as I have never known any of these breeds. I try to be sympathetic as it is my species that has manipulated these creatures to their current state that has rendered them snake food in any natural setting. Yorkies, mini pinchers, maltese, and these poor little toy breeds are around to give women and their spineless boyfriends something to accessorize. Now there They are ideal for apartment living... because they require small amount of exercise. The saddest thing is when they are dressed up in clothing to be cute. I kinda almost understand the rain coat, but the way it is done it is so not purposefull, and done for style. Another dislike of mine are dogs bread with poodle. I have come to notice in my short time here ( I have never really seen poodles before, have you?) they are agressive as hell. Also they are ugly as hell. I guess due to their easy on allergy fur, which I assume is a cover to follow a gay trend to get a poodle, they are popular to breed with. Results in a bunch of strudel doodle cockadoodle mixes, all gay

Diverse people everywhere. Races, income levels, styles, ethnicities, attitudes all different. Look around the subway car, you see everyone. I like that.

Grab a slice of pizza at any corner. As a matter of fact every street block you walk down there are at least 3 reasteraunts with chalkboards out front soliciting you with their happy hours or specials of the day. If you walk around enough your bound to find something that satisfies your palette as well as your wallet.

Thats what I got for now.